CRUD Underground Gazette 2

Mr. Eener Escapes The Evil Clutches of E.L.F.

by Anonymous

Richland, WA


Due to unwanted attention from the IRS and other governmental organizations, CRUD has once again changed its name. The newly named Coalition for the scientific Research and Understanding of little, stuffed Degenerates is set to announce this week that its in-house taxidermist is now working at exceptionally low prices simply because he so loves his work. For those interested in converting their current stuffed slaves into wall decorations, blankets, or throw rugs, an example can be found hanging on the wall behind the desk of CRUD’s CEO. The wall hanging, previously known as pinky, has been converted from a virtually worthless stuffed slave into a quite attractive wall hanging, although there seems to be some confusion as to whether pinky is/was a cat, bear, or other.

In other news, E.L.F. (Eener Liberation Front) has accepted a new member to their pitiful ranks. In a bizarre turn of events, the new member is the wife of the CEO of CRUD. We will keep you posted on how this conflict of interest unfolds.


Madam Blue Bunny has seen the light after only a few short hours of torture and mutilation. When Madam Blue Bunny finally came to her senses and realized that stuffed animals are only good as slaves to humans and deserve no better she immediately volunteered to join the CRUD team and help to spread the re-education. Currently Madam Blue Bunny is posted on the CRUD CEO’s desk sporting a sign that says "DOWN WITH E.L.F.," "E.L.F. IS EVIL," "STUFFED ANIMALS SUCK" and has been quoted in a public statement as saying, "Whip Me, Beat Me, Stretch Me On The Rack!" making her heartfelt sentiments obvious to all. Madam Blue Bunny spoke for stuffed animals everywhere when she said, "As a stuffed animal it is my responsibility to volunteer for medical experiments and testing." Witnesses have stated that Madam Blue Bunny has been overheard in her cell at night whispering, "I deserve to die, I deserve to die" repeatedly stopping only to occasionally scream "STOP IT, I HEARD YOU ALREADY!"

Have you seen this slave?