All Tale material on this page copyright 2001, Scott Fisher. All rights reserved.
Tale #1: The Holocaust
I used to set up these battlefields with all my green plastic soldiers. Amazing little battles--it took days on end to set them up. One morning, I woke up, and I saw my soldiers--it was a nuclear holocaust! Unbelievable mutiliation... it must have been devastating for those poor little beggars. Arms ripped off, heads chewed, mangled bones all over the place. I mean, if toys could talk, it must have been hell on wheels that evening! So what happened? My dog Gilly had gone through and chomped down on about a hundred and fifty soldiers.
But that wasn't the worst--the worst was the next day when my dog was taking a dump, and all these green heads and arms and legs came out of his butt. Boy, what a day that was! A day of infamy!
Tale #2: Balloon Snacks
Another time, Gilly got ahold of a bunch of balloons and ate them all. All these green, blue, yellow balloons.... And of course the same thing happened--all these balloons started coming out of my dog's ass! The worst part was, this time they were getting stuck, so I had to pull them out with my hand. Just try to pull a balloon out of your dog's butt without a tissue! Green, blue, yellow--my dog was just sitting there, trying to scoot.
Tale #3: Chocolate Bars
I was trick-or-treating on Halloween. (I was a big candy freak in those days.) That evening I classified my candy bars in different sections--you know, what I was gonna eat first and what rows those candies belonged in. I put the candy bars on the shelf above my bed, so they would be ready for me. But when I woke up in the morning, I had all these freakin' wrappers all over me! My dog had gotten up on the shelf, eaten all the candy, and gotten all the wrappers on me. And the sad part is, I didn't wake up! How the hell did that happen? There I was with chocolate all over my butt and my face, all over the place, and I didn't know nothin'! And Gilly was lying at the foot of my bed, belly up, with his tongue hanging out, like he was in heaven! At least he left me some sour balls. Nice dog.
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