Twisted Tales of Toy TortureLittle Drummer Boy

Margaret Racine's tale

All Tale material on this page copyright 2001, Margaret Racine. All rights reserved.

The Tale of the Hanged Mickey

I should start by saying that I didn't actually see this myself (one of the greatest regrets of my life). But a friend witnessed it and described it so vividly that I almost feel as if I were there. Thus, as follows:

The children's section of the local library has a big stuffed Mickey Mouse doll called, appropriately, Big Mickey. Now, understand, this thing is HUGE. It's about five feet tall seated and has got to weigh a decent amount.

Big Mickey makes his home atop a shelf against a wall, next to a window. Unfortunately, his feet stick out over the shelf edge, making a tempting target for small children. As this puts them at risk of being flattened by several pounds of plummeting Mickey (which wouldn't make the best publicity), something had to be done.

Apparently one of the children's librarians had the idea to tether Mickey by tying the curtain cord from the window around his neck, then tucking it discreetly out of sight behind his head.

You can probably see where this is going.

So, one day a hapless child was admiring Mickey and did the usual, natural thing, reaching up on tiptoe to yank at his big feet. The mother was nearby but not paying attention to her child (which seems to be the typical parenting style in my area, but I digress). So as Junior tugged and tugged, Mickey inched closer and closer to the edge of the shelf--

--gravity took over, and his weight sent him off the edge--

--the cord yanked him back--

--jerking him to a halt, his head snapping forward against his chest--

--and leaving him dangling, head slumped lifelessly forward, arms and legs limp and sagging, body slowly revolving in perfect, PERFECT mimicry of a hanging victim. (Well, with the exception of the big dopey smile, which probably isn't typical.)

Anyway, poor little Junior let out a shriek at this. Then he jumped up and started pushing hard against Mickey's feet and legs, nobly trying to get him back up to safety (before he asphyxiated, one supposes.) Meanwhile, the librarians and other spectators were literally rolling on the floor laughing, wondering if they'd ever be able to breathe properly again.

All this commotion was finally enough to attract Mommy's attention. When she witnessed her dear spawnling's frantic attempts at rescue, she presumably worked out what happened, and grabbed Junior by the arm, hissing between clenched teeth, "Leave it! Come on! Let's go!" She then bolted from the scene, dragging behind her the traumatized babe, who will most likely need therapy later in life.

When this tale was told to the original librarian (remember her?), she was appropriately mortified. (Everyone else was just sorry they didn't have a video camera.) But, since obviously they couldn't allow this to happen again, they hit upon a better means of stabilizing Mickey than roping him with the curtain cord.

They stapled his butt to the wall.

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